Good Morning All,
I sit here in my scrapbooking room and the windows are open and the fresh air is blowing in and I am loving the nice weather and the sounds of the day. For the last couple days I have the windows open in my room and the sounds of birds in the morning are wonderful. Hard to believe that one of the sounds of summer could make me cringe and keep bringing back horrible thoughts. The sound I am referring to is the sound of a motorcycle that is revving up and passing by, I never liked motorcycles before because I think they are unsafe. Now I believe that more so and I have to get used to hearing that sound because when the weather gets nice there will be more and more outside. It is going to take a lot of strength to overcome this obstacle in front of me but i know it will happen. I know this first summer is going to be hard for me in so many ways and there are things that will come up that will try and knock me down but if I work hard they may knock me down for a brief moment but when I get up I will come back stronger than I was before I fell. I will not let this accident that I was in define who I am and rule my life. I am on a beautiful to create a new and improved me and reclaim my life. I am thankful for the accident and I know that sounds weird but because of this terrible tragedy my life was changed and I was in a sense born again and was able to see the things in my life that need fixing. It will not all get fixed overnight but I know what needs to be changed and I am slowly turning my life around. It has also let me know that I should never take life for granted and always be thankful for what you have and the ones that are in your life. MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT!!! I have no idea what is next for me but I am loving the journey that I am on.
Till next time,
Anxiety attacks for me can pop up unexpectedly I can go from 0 on my anxiety scale straight to a 10 in 2 seconds flat. Let me explain. Tonight my husband and I went to a restaurant that is about 10 minutes away from home for their famous Taco Tuesday. We walked in and sat down and we were expecting it to be busy but there was hardly anyone there. We placed our order with our waitress and then waited for our food to come and all of a sudden the place started to get packed and my anxiety scale started to get higher and higher and before as people kept coming in it climbed to 10 if not higher. I should explain why it was so high when I had the accident last year the driver of the motorcycle lived in the same town as me and so does his family. My anxiety scale is on high alert when I step outside my house now a days because I am always afraid that I will be spotted and someone will be so bold to confront me like they did last summer. Last summer I was out on a walk and two woman that I have no clue who they are confronted me and basically called me a killer. Ever since then I am apprehensive of going away from my house. My husband wonders why I am so worried because he says they may know my name but they don’t know who I am. I disagree because if it happen with them two woman that I did not even know it could happen again. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone so it is not so far fetched that they know who I am. Anyway back to the restaurant when people started filing in my anxiety started to elevate and I was having the beginning of an anxiety attack. I could feel my face get warm and then my heart was racing and my hand and legs felt like there pins and needles being jabbed into them. My breathing was get heavy and I began trying to chew on my nails. We were almost done eating so we got the bill and the food that was left over was shoved into a to go box and I immediately went to the car. My husband went and paid the bill but I had to get the heck out of there. Now I should clarify there was no good reason for me to have an anxiety attack but sometimes they are beyond my control. I was nervous that a family member of his would walk but it never happened but you could not convince me that it would not happen.
I have a sneaking feeling that this summer is going to be full of extreme lows and that is because like I said before the anniversary is approaching. Another reason is what comes out in the summer that’s right motorcycles and that is what the guy was driving. I am going to have to take it one day at a time and try and face my fears but not to the point where it will overwhelm me. I am determined to not let my anxiety win and ruin my summer but i guess only time will tell.
Thanks for reading,