Face of Mental Illness

When people hear that individuals are suffering from a mental illness they always think the worst but you could be friends with a person that suffers from a form mental illness and unless you know them very well you would never know it. You could think you know them and they could still be hiding it from you for fear of judgement.

The proper definition of mental illness is as follows:

Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors.

The most common mental illness is anxiety disorders and then the most well known one would be depression. I fall into the category of having a mental illness, I have anxiety issues and depression and PTSD. I am currently receiving treatment for these from my counselor. I was diagnosed with all three of these after the accident I was involved in last year. When my counselor diagnosed me I remember feeling so ashamed and embarrassed and was so concerned with how people would look at me. Admitting that you have a mental illness is difficult because of the way society portrays these individuals in movies and magazines and even the commercials that advertise medication to treat these disorders. I struggle everyday with my illness but not everyday is bad there are good days. I have highs and lows the thing you have to learn is how to deal with the lows so that they don’t consume your life. It goes without saying that your lows are going to be pretty bad and in my case can last for a while but it will pass and you will make it. I am taking medication which is something I never ever wanted to do because I did not want to rely on a pill to regulate my emotions. I have learned that the medication was necessary if I wanted to get better and I am suing them in combination with counseling every couple weeks and I am happy to report that after being on the medicine for almost a year it is really helping me. Everyday is a struggle but I am learning new tools that have helped me control my anxiety. 9e1622b289d7378276ae249b7de8812f It is hard to describe how it feels to have depression in my case I spend most of the time pretending that everything is ok and putting on a smile so that no one suspects that I am falling apart inside. I have a hard time showing the real me and asking for help when I need it. My counselor is working with me to try and overcome this huge obstacle but since the accident I am constantly concerned about what people think of me. 1511898_1045462985467592_902159623652681487_nI know that I should not be concerned with what people think of me but when your name is splashed on the newspaper website along with the newspaper it kind of hits home. It does not help that people that don’t even know me talk about me and say mean and nasty things about me. After you hear this for so long you begin to try and put yourself out there in a way that others won’t say things about you. My point of this whole blog is that you never know if the person that is sitting next to you right now has a mental illness because they try so hard to hide it so other will never know. If you know someone with a mental illness be careful how you treat them because you never know if they are having a good day or a bad day.

Till next time,

Priscilla

Growing from Pain

It has been a while since my lost post but I have been busy with life (work and taking care of my family) but more than that I have been working on myself and that has been a hard task but a beautiful journey. I am coming to grips that my life is always going to consist of a bumpy ride on a roller coaster of emotions and it will never be smooth like I so desperately want it to. The reason I started this blog was because of a car crash in May of last year. I was the driver in the crash and it resulted in a death of a great man. I believe that day it resulted in the death of myself but not in the way you would think. The crash that day I lost myself and nothing will ever bring the old me back.  I am going through counseling and trying to find a new normal and the hopes of finding pieces of me that were there before. Everyday I keep wishing that I can get back to where I was before but everyday I am reminded that the person I was before the accident is gone forever never to return. I know that I am personally hindering my recovery by wanting to go back to the person I was before the accident but I can’t help because everything right now is new and uncomfortable to me and I so desperately want to cling to something that is old and normal for me.

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Everyday is still a huge struggle for me but I keep putting one foot in front of the other and trying to be positive but that is VERY hard. I am having some old feelings of the depression I experience on a daily basis and I know it is because the 1 year anniversary is approaching and I am starting to feel anxiety. When I experience these feelings of depression I can feel myself pushing away the people that I love and are always there for me because I don’t want them to see the struggle that is my everyday life. I know that is not healthy and I have a wonderful counselor that is helping me to learn to let the people in that love me because they only want to help. But it is hard because I am worried that they will judge me.

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Part of me feels that I have never fully recovered from the trauma that I have went through and I am wondering if this is how the rest of my life is going to be. While part of me knows that I will make it through this I just want instant results but that is not going to happen. Recovering from any kind of trauma takes time and positive energy and relying on a support system. I have all them things and a lot more it is just hard to stay positive most days. I am continuing on this long beautiful journey to come out on the other end as a refreshed and positive woman that has everything to live for. I am enjoying the ride that I am on because I am learning more about myself than I ever have before. I am changing parts of the old me and replacing them with brand new energetic positive parts and after I come out of the darkness I will be someone that I can appreciate and love.

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Till next time,

Priscilla