Have you ever looked at a picture of a family and thought wow what a perfect family. I think a picture of a family can be a little deceiving. Everything in the picture looks great you have a mother and a father and children and they are smiling and happy and that makes them look perfect but is that just a mask or are they really that happy. I am sure they are happy but for one minute look at it differently maybe the parents are divorced and the parents are still civil with each other for the children and they are doing a family picture. Another instance maybe a blended family where the parents in the picture share children in the picture. That is what my family picture is and if you saw my picture you probably would of never guessed it. My point is there is more to the picture then meets the eye. Have you ever noticed that you only see pictures of good times such as birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and new babies, etc that is because no one wants to have a picture to remind them of the bad times. I think when kids get older or at any age for that matter they get irritated with taking family pictures and would rather be somewhere else doing something else. I know that is true in my family the above picture took a lot of persuasion to get taken. We were at Yellowstone National Park and there was this zoo area with some different animals and getting them all together was a huge task. I am always on the lookout when we are doing some things that I would like to remember them forever it is always PICTURE TIME!!!!….lol that makes the kids cringe. This picture for example my step daughter is sitting on the tree like that because she saw a tiny spider on it and she did not want to sit on the log. I had to beg her for like 5 minutes to please sit on the log so we could snap the picture and then we would be done. The boys have a story as well…I had to ask them to pose like that they were just going to stand there with their hands by their side. They did not like it because it was hot that day and they wanted to hurry and get it done. Just when I got them to cooperate my step daughter noticed the spider….ugh!!!! Now this is my favorite because of the little backstage drama…lol
Remember that the next time you look at someones picture that you are only looking at a little 15 second snapshot of their life and we are not there for what really happens so try not to judge them from that picture alone. There is no perfect family (no matter how good the picture looks) and that is ok because if your family was perfect and never made mistakes you would get really bored. I am learning that I don’t have to do everything all myself and it is ok if my house is dirty for a day. (I may not like it but I am learning to let it go and carve out some time for myself) This year has given me a new outlook on life and I am starting to see things in a new way. I am enjoying this journey that I am on to the new me and it has only been 28 days and I look forward to the rest of the year and many new opportunities and more life changing experiences.
Until next time,
Why is it that we can see things so clearly after they have already played out and it to late to change the damage we have done. I could use some clarity when I am at my breaking point and I am teetering on the line of going to far. Sometimes I am so angry and I tell myself don’t say another word because you are going to regret it but what happens I open my big fat mouth and daggers fly out of it. I know that I am doing it at the time because there is that little moment where I know I should not say anything but then one little thing sends me over the edge and before I know it the words have escaped from my mouth.
I am participating in this OBS (online bible study) and we are reading the book “Keep It Shut” (what to say, how to say it, and when to say nothing at all) I have read the first two chapters and I found the first chapter to be insightful and it grabbed my attention. I have learned that we are always so unaware of how our words can hurt other when it comes to family. I never really thought of it like that until I read it, I have to agree because we could care a less what our family thinks of us because they are stuck with us. On the other hand non family members we are more gracious and courteous with because we want them think highly of us. I also am learning that our words our very powerful and have consequences that can last a while in the people we are talking to. I look forward to reading more chapters of this book and learning some very helpful tips and exchanging some stories with some new friends along the way.
Until next time,
It has been a couple months since my last post. I have had some pretty hard times since my last post and I did not really feel like posting anything since I felt that things were crumbling around me. I had a good friend ask me if I had ever thought of participating in online bible study and I had always thought about it but never followed through. I figured that I would let her send me some information and check it out and decide after that. It turns out that it is was nice and I jumped in feet first. I must say that I am very pleased with everything and I have participated in one online bible study via facebook and have already signed up for another bible study that starts in 6 days. Then in 6 weeks me and two friends will be traveling to Normal, IL to attend a national conference that consists of workshops and two main sessions hosted by 2 popular speakers. I am looking forward to it and I am also looking forward to a new year full of awesome opportunities and a new improved me.
I kicked off my new year by changing my hair color and got a really nice new hairstyle (I have included a pic below) and I have recently received some good news that has lifted my spirits. I am sorry that this post is so short but I am going to try and keep up with it on a regular basis and post at least two or three times a week. Until next time I wish everyone well and will see you again soon.
Why is that people are only concerned with scars that are visible? They will ask such questions like what happened to you? What did you do to get that scar? When you have visible scars is it easy to explain what happened, but when you have scars that are internal no one knows they are there but you. There are people that walk around with many internal scars and it is hard to deal with sometimes because no one knows how you feel.
I have many internal scars that no one knows about and they just sit inside me and they never really go away. I find it easier to deal with external scars because I can put a band-aid on them and after a while they heal and disappear but the internal ones never go away. I have a scar on my arm from the accident where there was glass embedded in my arm and it has been almost 6 months and that scar is still very visible. I have scars that are within me and I know they will be with me forever no matter how much I would like them to disappear. I deal with flashbacks and my own personal demons on a daily basis some days are easier then others. I wish I could go back and turn the hands of time but i can’t and I will live with that for the rest of my life. My life was changed so drastically almost 6 months ago and I think that sometimes it over takes my thoughts and I am constantly worried if this is how my life will be from now on. it does not matter how hard I try to forget it or put it out of my mind it is in my head when I open my eyes in the morning till I shut my eyes at night. I miss the person that I once was because I did not have this huge event hanging over my head and was able to go a day without wondering what is going to happen next.
Things in town have gotten better but I can’t shake the fact that I will always be known as the woman that caused a fatal car crash and it ended the life of a father of 3 and changed the life of a woman. Several lives were changed that day but outside sources only see two lives being changed and they never once stop to think about how it affected me. My life is no picnic and I have dealt with horrible things that no one should ever have to deal with but I internalize it and move on. I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders and the only time I can let go of it is when I go see my counselor and talk through my feelings, but like clock work when I leave her office an hour later my shoulders get weighed down again. I think blogging is helping me to release this burden in between my visits with my counselor. i am in a tough place at this point because I am on medication and even though I know that right now that is what I need to keep my self sane I don’t like the fact that I rely on a pill to regulate my emotions. I never dreamed that I would in the situation I am in right now but I am here right now and I am trying my best to deal with the obstacles that are set in front of me.
Till next time,